Who do we light for?

Most commonly, a person lights a yahrzeit candle for an immediate family member:

• Spouse
• Mother
• Father
• Sister
• Brother
• Daughter
• Son

A candle may be lit to honor Grandparents, Friends, Teachers, or Mentors. 

A candle may be lit to honor victims of the Holocaust or victims of tragedies that have profoundly impacted you.

A candle may be lit for anyone whose memory you want to honor, especially if doing so inspires you to act with kindness in their name.

When (Date/Time of Day) Do You Light a Memorial Candle?

In Jewish tradition, we light the Memorial Candle on the Hebrew anniversary of the deceased’s passing, and on four other designated holidays on which we recite Yizkor*; Yom Kippur, Shavuot, the last day of Passover and the last day of Sukkot. Additionally, a candle can be lit on Yom Hashoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day), Yom Hazikaron (Memorial Day) and on other anniversaries of tragedies. 

The yahrzeit candle is lit at sunset, since the Jewish day begins at sunset, and burns for approximately 24 hours to mark the span of the day. 

If the Anniversary falls on Shabbat or a Holiday, you light the yahrzeit candle before lighting Shabbat candles. 

* Yizkor is the special Jewish memorial service recited in memory of deceased loved ones on only four holidays each year. Its infrequency gives it a special emotional weight and it is one of Judaism's most meaningful communal rituals of remembrance. 

Is there a blessing to recite when lighting the candle?

There is no required blessing when lighting a Memorial Candle. Most people simply light the candle and take a moment to reflect privately. 

The silence before lighting the candle can itself become a prayer.

One can also use that moment to say their loved one's name, offer a private prayer or meditation, recite a Psalm, or recall a memory.

What is Kaddish?

Kaddish is one of Judaism's most profound mourning rituals and its significance is often surprising: the Mourner's Kaddish never mentions death. Saying Kaddish is essentially an act of devotion to a lost loved one, a way of honoring their legacy, expressing gratitude for their life, and continuing to care for them after they are gone. For this reason, Kaddish is often understood as an act of love performed on behalf of someone who can no longer perform mitzvot themselves. 

It is traditionally recited daily during the mourning period, during the first eleven months after a parent's death, and annually on a yahrzeit.

Traditionally, Kaddish is recited with a Minyan (a prayer quorum) and the reason for this is deeply significant. Judaism does not ask mourners to grieve and remember alone. To say Kaddish with a congregation, in effect, allows the community to say: ‘We will help carry this loss with you.’ Its spiritual value therefore extends beyond an individual gesture as it becomes a shared communal ritual. 

Why are rituals comforting?

Loss, change, and major life events can make the world feel unpredictable. Rituals are comforting because they create structure, meaning, and presence during moments that might otherwise feel emotionally overwhelming or uncertain. Even simple rituals can feel deeply stabilizing when emotions like grief or sorrow can be difficult to express in words. Ritual gives those feelings a physical form through action; reciting a prayer, lighting a candle, reading a meaningful text, a gathering of friends and family, or sharing stories or memories of the loved one.

Rituals create connection to family traditions, to community, and to generations that came before us. When a person lights a Memorial Candle, they are participating in the same act that countless others have performed for centuries and that continuity can feel deeply reassuring. They remind us who we love, what we value, where we come from, and what endures.

What is the concept of Communal Mourning?

Rabbinic tradition does not expect the mourner to navigate grief alone. Communal mourning reflects the Jewish idea that we mourn together because we belong to one another.

"All Israel is responsible for one another."
 (Kol Yisrael arevim zeh bazeh)

Communal mourning is expressed in Jewish practice throughout Shiva, Kaddish recitation, a presence at memorial services, helping the bereaved with practical matters while they are adapting to their loss, bringing food, phone call check-ins. It transforms grief from a solitary burden into a system of genuine care built on opportunities to support.

It is also reflected in the traditional condolence offered to someone who has recently buried a loved one or is sitting Shiva: 

"May you be comforted among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem"

הַמָּקוֹם יְנַחֵם אֶתְכֶם בְּתוֹךְ שְׁאָר אֲבֵלֵי צִיּוֹן וִירוּשָׁלָיִם
 HaMakom yenachem etchem betoch she'ar aveilei Tzion v'Yerushalayim.

The meaning is both personal and collective. When this blessing is offered, it acknowledges that while your grief is uniquely your own, you are part of a larger community of remembrance stretching across generations and centuries. By invoking the "mourners of Zion and Jerusalem," the phrase connects an individual's loss to the collective memory, sorrow, resilience, and hope of the Jewish people.

Lastly, it is important to keep in mind that support often fades after the initial days and weeks and that meaningful gestures going forward that show the bereaved that their grief is not forgotten can include: acknowledging yahrzeits and sharing a candle to mark the date, calling on birthdays, remembering holidays and milestones, and sharing a memory as a way to communicate that their loved one's life continues to be remembered by others and not by the bereaved alone.

Rituals create connection to family traditions, to community, and to generations that came before us. When a person lights a Memorial Candle, they are participating in the same act that countless others have performed for centuries and that continuity can feel deeply reassuring. They remind us who we love, what we value, where we come from, and what endures.

Are there other ways to commemorate the anniversary of a passing besides lighting a Memorial Candle?

It is a beautiful tradition to perform a Mitzvah, a good deed, in the merit of a departed loved one. The Sages teach us that once a soul ascends to heaven, it can no longer perform good deeds but that the person’s descendants can do a charitable act to honor the legacy of the departed. These deeds are meaningful because they allow a person’s values, generosity, and spirit to continue shaping the world after their passing.

Other practices include:

• giving tzedakah (charity) in their honor
• studying Torah or other texts
• sharing stories and memories
• preparing a loved one’s favorite meal
• visiting the gravesite
• gathering with family in remembrance
• performing acts of kindness in their name
• hosting a memorial meal
• planting a tree

What is ‘Soul Ascension’?

In Jewish tradition, there is no single, universally defined doctrine of the afterlife. However, there is a widespread belief that a soul can continue to grow in merit and spiritual elevation after death through the goodness, learning, and remembrance inspired by its life.

This idea is often expressed through the phrase:

לְעִילּוּי נִשְׁמָה (L'ilui Neshama)

"For the elevation of the soul."

Jewish tradition frequently emphasizes that acts of kindness continue to generate blessing long after a person has died and views remembrance not as looking backward, but as carrying someone's light forward.

From this perspective:

A prayer honors them,

A candle remembers them,

A charitable gift reflects them,

A mitzvah continues them.